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    Coffins

    After you are gone, I forget how to live.

    I search for you in between the shadows, in the grocery aisle, around every corner. I scream your name into the darkness, as if I could call you home. I lie on the fresh green grass where your body rests underground and offer anything, anything to bring you back. You are the breath in my lungs, and I try to hold you in until I am gasping, dizzy, alone.

    I enroll in community college. I search for a class on overcoming grief. There is none. I sign up for a writing class instead. All the letters form your name again and again, and the sentences make sense to no one but me.

    I stay up at night, wondering if we love things just so they can leave. It’s not fair. It shouldn’t have been you. It shouldn’t be anyone. I tell myself I’ll feel better in the morning. I lie a lot.

    I make lists of all the things I love about you. I write until my fingers bleed and stain the pages. I fill each notebook until I have a forest of memories. It’s not enough. It’s not you.

    This body is just a coffin. A way to keep me pinned to the earth. I don’t want to stay here without you. I don’t want to go; I’m afraid you’ve gone to a place where I can’t follow. I can’t bear to live each day, knowing it brings me further from when I saw you last.

    In the early hours of the morning, the cold turns my breath into little ghosts. I watch the sunrise until the sky becomes the color of your eyes. And maybe this is how it happens. I don’t feel warm, but I feel a little less cold. Today, that is enough.

    Megan Jauregui Eccles
    Megan Jauregui Eccles writes dark, speculative fiction for young adults and is represented by Lauren Galit of LKG Agency Her writing has appeared in Kelp Journal, Coachella Review, Ladies of the Fright, The Lineup, and Dwarf+Giant. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of California Riverside—Palm Desert.
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    Latest Posts

    Book Review: The Art of Talking with Children by Rebecca Rolland, EdD

    How do you talk to a kid who has fallen behind her peers in reading, or who just lost an important wrestling...

    Books: Lucy by the Sea by Elizabeth Strout

    The fourth book in Elizabeth Strout’s Amgash tetralogy is Lucy by the Sea, a third novel in the Lucy Barton series, written in first...

    Books: Oh, William by Elizabeth Strout

    Oh, William is the third book in Elizabeth Strout’s Amgash tetralogy. It was preceded by a novel, My Name Is Lucy Barton, and a...

    Books: Anything Is Possible by Elizabeth Strout

    Anything Is Possible is the second book in Elizabeth Strout’s Amgash tetralogy, which consists of this book and three novels: My Name Is Lucy...
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